Grateful
21 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in blessings, friendship, life, life lessons, prayer
As I try to make sense of the passing of a dear friend’s husband…all I can think about is the blessings we have in today’s moment. Nothing is gaurantee. Nothing. God gives and God takes. It still doesn’t anwser the whys. It still doesn’t make sense of anything. Good people go too quickly and leave the rest of us wondering why. I can’t even write a coherent thought right now. All I can do is try and continue to process and be present to my friend when she needs me.
Husband and I watched “Courageous” last night and one quote really hits home right now.
“Are you going to be angry for the time you didn’t have with [him] or are you going to be grateful for the time you did have?”
As difficult as it may be, focusing on the good times will get us through the difficult times to come.
Grateful to remember:
Him changing into jeans at his own wedding reception.
His simple, calm, almost mischievous, constant grin.
His quiet, yet confident presence.
The way he looked at and loved Kristi.
The baby that will be born a beautiful legacy to his name.
There are many more memories to be grateful for. And we are grateful.
Thank you, Lord, for blessing us all with the beautiful spirit in such a humble servant as Kendrick. And just as I read posted elsewhere (I don’t remember where but it is perfect), “He is dancing in Heaven which suits him. Along with a horse and a John Deere.”
Intentional Parenting
08 Jan 2012 3 Comments
in Uncategorized Tags: family, growth, motherhood, spirituality
Michelle Duggar = my new hero.
I’ve always had a great respect for her. I mean, the woman is obviously pro-life. Pro-life in the sense that she doesn’t use contraception and remains open to any life God wishes to give her. Even if this means ridicule from the rest of the world. My interest and respect deepened for Mrs. Duggar when she recently had a miscarriage and had a beautiful funeral for her baby girl. What a wonderful testament to the value of a human life.
So, I bought the Duggars’ first book: 20 and Counting and I have read over half of it in a very short amount of time. Oh my goodness, it is very inspiring. It has answered my prayer to be a better mother. The stories they tell and the example they have set make me really want to grow and grow.
I’ve been reflecting on this a lot lately, even before I started reading this book…I just want to be a good mother….scratch that…I want to be a GREAT mother. I want my children to grow up and love the Lord with all their hearts. I want them to be well-disciplined, obedient, kind, generous, good people. So how do I do that in the midst of our every day? How do I grow our kids to be the absolute best version of what God created them to be?
Through the help of this book and much personal reflection, I can tell you…INTENTIONAL PARENTING! Everything we do needs to be intentional, every moment a teaching moment. Easier said then done, sure, but as I’ve become aware of the goals I want for my children, my parenting and discipline becomes a little easier with a goal in mind.
For example, I know I want #1 to do what we say when we say it, but why is it so important? Because obedience is very important to living a Christ-like existence (especially if #2 is intended to be a priest 
). Our spiritual well-being is centered around how well we obey what God is calling us to do in even the little moments of our lives….and how can we learn to obey our God if we can’t even learn to obey our parents?
So, to all the people who find us crazy for considering homeschooling, for considering ridding of the TV (still an inner struggle…probably will be until I finally do get rid of the thing), for disciplining when most wouldn’t, and for anything else that seems ludicrous to you…I say this:
Hopefully you will be thanking me in 20 years when my kids are deeply rooted in Christ and hold respect for those around them.
Thank you, Michelle Duggar, for helping me put into words what I’ve been struggling with for so many weeks now.
Check out their book!!!!
Unemployed?
05 Jan 2012 3 Comments
in blessings, family, life, motherhood
When I registered to have my new little bundle of joy at the hospital and the woman read from the screen: ”and you’re unemployed, correct?” I really wanted to scream at her and the thought even crossed my mind to pull her hair a bit.
Let me explain why.
On an average day here’s what the numbers look like for me:
4 poopy diapers
5 wet diapers
2 meals + clean up for 3 meals
3 loads of laundry
2 loads of dishes
1 art project
1 room deep cleaned
4 naps
2 fussy kids
12 feedings
4-5 hours of VERY interrupted sleep
2 baths
5 bazillion toys picked up repeatedly (this number may be exaggerated, but that’s how it feels some days)
100 + hugs and kisses
200 smiles and giggles
Please, tell me how on earth I’m considered unemployed! I have the best kind of employment on the face of the earth! Not to mention that most people work from 8-5 or 9-5. I work around the clock. Literally. And for the moms that leave the house to go to a second job, I don’t know how you do it.
Next time you talk to a mom who works at home, please don’t ask her if she still works. In my case, my work just started.
Technology…what would we do without it?
17 Dec 2011 4 Comments
in blessings, family, finance, husband, life lessons, lists, prayer
Husband and I are cell phone free and we love it. LOVE it. Seriously, we don’t even miss it…in fact, I kind of pity everyone else. You’re missing out on life.
I’ve been reflecting on technology and the roll it plays in our lives lately. Our society has been so consumed by it that we forget what real life looks like. I read an article yesterday (http://news.yahoo.com/driver-sent-got-11-texts-11-min-crash-151619850.html) about texting and driving. Lives were lost because someone couldn’t wait until they reached their destination to answer a text message. I also found it slightly sad that a famous actor thought it was unfair that he should shut off his game for the safety of others…and even more ridiculous that people are petitioning airlines to change the rules so that they won’t have to turn off electronics for the 10 minutes it takes to take off and land in an airplane. Have we disconnected ourselves so much from the real world that we are afraid to sit quietly with ourselves for those 10 minutes?
I fear for the younger generation. I fear that they won’t know how to build solid relationships outside of the internet or text messages. I fear that they won’t be able to put their thoughts and emotions into coherent sentences. I fear that they will never know how to type with correct punctuation or grammar.
And for everyone else to reflect, here are some things I’ve learned and realized from the last few months of being cell phone free:
1. It took a few days, but I have really enjoyed car rides and the silence they bring. I used to be on the phone in the car all the time. Now I pray, figure out my day and sing with my daughter…can’t get much better than that.
2. I don’t obsess over checking it ALL THE TIME. It’s so freeing to not be checking for text messages or missed calls all the time. I am more focused on my kids and what’s important in that moment.
3. People can’t get a hold of me at any given time. This may not seem like a good thing to some people, but I feel like we as a society have lost the value of soaking in a moment. If I am with my husband on a date, having dinner with good friends or talking with someone at the store, then I don’t need to be distracted by a phone call…I need to focus on giving my total attention to the people I am with. It’s respectful that way. We have an answering machine at the house…leave a message.
4. Financially it makes sense. Instead of spending over $100 a month on phones, we spend $100 a year for our prepaid emergency cell phone (we do have one for traveling, etc.) This has allowed us to up our food and entertainment budgets and has allowed our almost 2 year old to attend Moms-Day-Out (for my sanity and hers.)
5. We make actual phone calls. Instead of texting to make plans or check on people, we actually pick up the phone and dial..and have a real conversation. I love it. I get to hear my friends’ and family’s voices rather than see and impersonal text. Truthfully, this was a challenge to me at first because I had gotten so used to texting, but I love it now. It builds relationships in unexpected ways.
6. I watch life happen. Instead of being head-down texting or talking all the time, I pay way more attention to what’s going on around me. I like it like that.
Sometimes it’s a good thing to step away from the electronics for a while….now if I could only break myself of this internet habit….
Blog?
20 Oct 2011 2 Comments
I don’t even know what a blog is anymore…but it’s time to start again. I need to start writing again, so I figure if I just start writing something it will be a good thing.
Not sure what to write about just yet, but if I start thinking about blogging and writing it will happen more. Things on my brain: newborns, brownies, Pampered Chef, World Series, writing, reading, my handsome husband, dinner parties, tea parties…
Maybe I should write a blog for each one of these…maybe I should write a blog about NFP…or the beauty of life and love…and here goes another round…
Lenten Journey 2011
10 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: Immaculate Heart, lent, spiritual growth
I have been away from writing for quite some time. I do miss it, but I have been in this first trimester fog of extreme exhaustion mixed with chasing my almost-one-year-old around. But, the Church in Her infinite wisdom, gives us this time of repentance and growing in faith. So, here I am, letting go of the TV once more and in place of that I am to blog every night. Or almost every night…weekends don’t count, especially this weekend due to a retreat!
So, hopefully I will shed insight into my Lenten Journey and share how I am growing, and quite possibly how I am resisting the growth…sometimes it can be scary how the Lord wants us to grow.
Right now I have been reading “The Immaculate Heart of Mary: True Devotion” by Father Robert J. Fox. This came about because our Confirmation retreat is themed and devoted to the Immaculate Heart of our Mother.
In this book, Fox talks about how incredibly pure Mary’s heart is. He also talks about how we should place our own hearts between that of Jesus and Mary. How beautiful is that place! It seems so safe, so Holy, so incredibly hard to obtain. But, the Grace of God has already started working on my soul and I feel as though if I let God do His work, my heart just may be able to reside in the safety of our Mother’s and our Savior’s.
Discernment…what a Beast!
31 Jan 2011 Leave a Comment
Lately I have been discerning God’s Will for my and the life of my family. It seems like it would be such and easy thing to figure out where God wants me, but it is not. It seems as if we are at a pitch fork and we need to know where to throw the hay….that’s not how that saying goes is it? Close though. I feel like there are so many dreams to work towards, so many goals to accomplish and I don’t know where to start! That is how I always wind up here, in my blogs. It gets my creativity going and gets me excited to create or write or connect to other souls in some way. Crazy as it seems, throwing random, nonsensical words into cyber-space actually gets the blood dancing through my brain again.
Maybe this blog will bring the answer I’ve been praying for!
Feed the Dream
24 Jan 2011 1 Comment
Lately Wade and I have found that we are so much happier when we feed our passions. It sounds so simple, and yet it is one of the toughest things to do. I find myself finding other, less soul-feeding things to do like Facebook, or movies, or shopping online for things I don’t have money to buy.
I don’t understand why I choose to do those thing over my passions and dreams. Our dreams are what make life much more exciting and fun. It gives us a purpose, it allows us to be ourselves.
I was talking to a good friend yesterday who has a really fun dream to start a fun little store. Then she said, “but, it’s just a dream.” Why do we underestimate the power of what our dreams can do for us? It may be just a dream, but that dream can become reality if we start focusing on that and work towards it. Anything we do we have to trade out for something else. For instance, if I want to watch a movie, I am doing that instead of going for a walk or reading a book. If we aren’t focusing on our dreams, we are focusing on something else, something that isn’t going to feed our souls as much.
Dreams have power. Our passions have power. We should feed that power.
Our dreams right now (just to name a couple):
Pay off our mortgage in 5 years (yes it is MORE than possible, and then we will be 100% debt-free!)
Go to Ireland-our big trip once we our debt free!
Wade wants to record a full album-total band and all of his own songs
I would like to stay home and raise babies, bringing in money from writing or something creative
We have more, we both have what we call our “Dream Books”….we got the idea from Matthew Kelly. As a team, Team Nutts, we try and help each other focus on our passions….work on our dreams. For instance, we have a new goal we’ve set for the house. No TV except on weekends. It is wonderful. Instead of mindlessly watching fake lives, I actually do things like make wine charms or read a good book.
So, today’s my day off and I’m going to ask you the same question my husband asked me at lunch:
Have you fed your passions today?
Keep the Change
19 Nov 2010 1 Comment
Life is all about the ebb and flow of people and events in and out of our lives. Growth and change are so necessary and essential to living, and yet they are the two things that humans collectively seem to run from the fastest.
I saw this post on Facebook today: http://www.engadget.com/2010/11/18/sand-glass-traffic-light-concept-its-about-time/. Honestly, it would not have mattered to me either way, left no impression, except for the fact that so many people had left comments, mostly in opposition. Why does it matter if we have a new stoplight system or not? I don’t think it really does, but innately, the thought the change causes us to tense up inside.
I’m not going to lie, I was looking at it and initially my head was screaming, “NOOOOO!!!! This is stupid! We can’t change the system! What’s wrong with what we have? Then everything will be different!” When really, I couldn’t care less what the stoplights look like as long as people follow them and I don’t get “T”-boned.
Change is hard. It causes us to grow, to exit the comfort of familiarity that we love so much. We become stretched to our limit, sometimes outside of it. However, if we allow it, change can make us stronger. Change can help us become the best version of ourselves. It can lead us towards holiness.
This reminds me of a story I once heard about a butterfly. It was working its way out of its cocoon. This process is a grueling one, and takes many hours of struggling and work to emerge as a beautiful butterfly, with brightly blossomed wings. A man was walking by and saw the butterfly entangled in the cocoon and decided to help the butterfly along. So he peeled away the cocoon and the butterfly was freed. Only, the butterfly’s wings were not fully developed and it was not able to fly away. The struggle of emerging from the cocoon helps to build a butterfly’s wings and the butterfly is able to become what it was created to be.
Change can be painful. Change can be grueling. But in the end, if we have allowed ourselves to grow and develop within it, we emerge on the other side a fully blossomed creation.
Life Happens
09 Nov 2010 2 Comments
in blessings, creativity, dog, dreams, family, husband, life lessons, soul searching, spiritual growth, writing
It has been one heck of a two weeks here at the McNutt house. I’ve just come to expect the unexpected this month. That’s all I can do. Several events have left both Wade and I in a deep funk, trying to reclaim our life goals and dreams, trying to make our way back to the lighted path in life, really just trying to be normal human beings again.
I’ll give you a brief overview, just so that I’m not talking in code. Wade plays music at our church 3 Masses a weekend, every other weekend. So, Halloween weekend was an off weekend…FAMILY DAY! We loaded up the kid and the dog and went to the pumpkin patch. We took some cute pictures and picked some small pumpkins, met some nice people. But most of all, we had a really nice family day. Until we left. As we were leaving, not even a block up the road from the farm, we were hit. Out of nowhere. Thank God, the three of us were okay. Just sore for a few days. And, really, it didn’t phase Evalyn at all. But, Godiva jumped out of the truck and has been missing ever since. Giant bummer. (Don’t worry, we have been on the search and several amazing people that live that way are keeping an eye out and searching, and she has been spotted a few times, giving us hope that she is still alive.)
So, recovering from the wreck is still happening. Wade and I are both jumpy in the car. But, because of Godiva, I have been back to the wreck site a few times and there is healing in that. Many hours have been spent searching for a deaf white dog in cottons fields. Yes, I know, sounds really ridiculous, it is.
And then Wade got violently ill last Friday. And it took several days for him to recoup. (Thank God for a fantastic mother-in-law that helped watch Evalyn so I could dog-hunt while Wade slept!)
I’m only telling you all of this so that as I reflect on where we are right now you won’t be totally in the dark. But with all of these events (plus some that I don’t even want to get into) we are having a really difficult time re-focusing on life and jobs and ministry and dreams.
It makes me wonder what lessons we are supposed to be learning. Here are a few that come off the top of my head.
1. Don’t be attached to things.
Currently we have one less vehicle, a missing dog, and Ev’s Milton was chewed by a dog…(don’t worry we are getting a new one soon!) Three things that are/were important in our lives and yet we are still surviving (even if it is more miserable some days.)
2. You can only plan so much, and then life happens and you just have to go with what it gives you.
I really like this one. I think I like it because after about the third thing happening in a row I realized that I can do my job, and take care of my family, but the scheduling is not always mine. Or really, ever mine…
3. No matter what, don’t lose sight of your dreams!
This morning Wade told me, “I think I’m in a funk because I’m not sure what my dreams are any more.” I honestly think that being in a car accident and getting sick for three days has more to do with it, but he makes a good point. When we lose sight of what our dreams are, we forget what we are working towards each day and then the work becomes pointless or mundane. Working towards a dream makes even the crappy jobs worth it!
So, I am writing today to start working towards dreams again, to work my way out of the foggy daze and to let my soul heal itself through words.
For all of you waiting to hear pieces of my novel…it hasn’t happened yet. A bummer, I know, but in light of recent events my time and energy has been going to other places. Even if I don’t get to write with the NaNoWriMo crowd, I plan on setting a goal for myself when the clouds settle down around the Nutt House. Stay tuned!
