Martyrdom

Why did he leave out the dishes?  Doesn’t he realize that I had the kitchen clean?  Can’t he learn to do the dishes after he cooks breakfast?  Ugh….why does she have to drag every single toy into the kitchen to be near me?  Can’t she realize that I’ve spent all day cleaning up after her?  Oh, and now the other one needs to nurse again, great.  Like I have time to sit and feed him.

Some days I find my train of thought doing this.  I can be such a martyr.  Poor, poor me getting to stay home and take care of my family.  How dare they actually expect me to do what the Lord has created me to do!!!  I mean, really!

I have been spending a lot of time and reflection with the FlyLady over at flylady.net.  She is a wonderful teacher for those of us that homemaking doesn’t come naturally.  I have learned to take it one step at a time, building small habits that have turned our messy house into a clean, nurturing home.

Of all the lessons the Fly Lady has taught me, letting go of the martyr is the hardest and most rewarding. I’ve driven the previous thought train off of a bridge and decided to conduct another.  It goes more like this:

I am so thankful for a husband that cooks me breakfast after I’ve had a long night with the kids.  God has truly blessed me with such a wonderful man.  I am so glad that Evalyn wants to be near me and help.  And now I get to teach her how to clean up after herself.  What a great life lesson to learn!  Nursing is such a great gift to both David and I…I’m thankful that God has given us a built in time to bond and spend with each other.  Not to mention the awesome weight-loss factor that happens!

Seriously, it may sound overly-cheesy, but I really do replace the negative thoughts with the positive ones and my whole day and outlook on life are so much more joyful.  It’s kind of like Polyanna’s “Glad Game” (a future post).

So instead of being the Negative-Nancy martyr, I am going to strive to be the kind of martyr God intends me to be.  Not necessarily the kind that gets burned at the stake, although if it were to come to that….

Anyway.  I am talking about the kind of martyr that dies to yourself.  Putting others needs before your own and being truly joyful to serve those needs.  That is the kind of martyr we are called to be.

St. Joan of Arc, pray for us that we may be holy warriors of God by putting others needs before our own.  Pray that we have the courage to die to ourselves and let Christ shine bright.  Amen.

 

Eternity

I have a love/hate relationship with being a mother.  It is the best, most wonderful gift God has ever given me.  The fact that it is so wonderful, however, means that there are many difficult things that come with the package.  Nothing wonderful ever comes easy.  One of the hardest parts of it all is to keep focused on the end goal.  What is the end goal?

For my children to love and serve the Lord with all their hearts so that we can all be united for eternity.

This is why parenting is so difficult.  The goal is forgotten quite frequently a midst the daily grind of temper tantrums, runny noses, nap-time battles, and poop.  Lots of poop.  That, and the goal is difficult to fulfill ourselves…there are days that, let’s face it, I don’t even want to be a servant.  I’m too selfish to want to be a servant all the time.

So, God gives us children to help us re-focus ourselves on the ultimate goal, to help us remember what really is important in life, and to sanctify us.  Because, really, even with all this in mind it doesn’t make it any easier, so we must lift up the parts that are really hard and pray they draw us ever closer to the heart of our Savior.

With much prayer and reflection, maybe one day we will attain sainthood along with our children and bring others along with us.  Maybe one day the goal won’t be a back-burner after thought, but a second nature habit we will live by.

Mother Mary, pray for us that we can know your Son’s heart the way you do so we can spread His joy and love throughout the earth.  Pray that we become holy mothers as you are so that we too can be united with our children for eternity.

Ash Wednesday: What’s your call?

Ash Wednesday: it’s approaching at a rapid pace.  And I just realized that Lent is going to kick my butt this year.  Truthfully, I will gladly let it.  I miss being deeply rooted in my faith….it’s seems like my prayer life has up and walked away from me.  The sad thing is that I haven’t fought very hard to keep it alive.  Well, Jesus is calling my name….and I am really resisting what He’s calling me to do for Lent this year.

I have always dreaded contemplating His Passion…it just hurts way too much.  When I truly reflect and enter in to what Jesus did for us, my heart and soul hurt.  So, usually I find excuses to not think about it.  I like to skip over the Sorrowful Mysteries when I pray the Rosary, I like to breeze through Lent without going to the Stations.  Well, this year it is on my heart to attend every single Station of the Cross on Fridays this year.  Plus, I will start Lent by watching the Passion of Christ on Ash Wednesday.

I am not looking forward to this while looking forward to it at the same time.  Hopefully it will draw me closer to my Savior.  I believe it may also draw me closer to the heart of His mother.  I invite all of you, Catholic and non-Catholic to enter this meditation with me as we prepare our hearts for Jesus.  Remember, we can’t have the Resurrection without the Cross.

The Bad Days Gone Good

Tough days are tough.

BUT.  We wouldn’t realize they were tough unless we got to experience the good days.  So even on days that I am overly ready for the babies to be in bed, or myself be in bed for that matter, I just remind myself of the goodness in the life that God has given me.  This morning I got to sleep in (and I still wanted a few more hours) but when I got up, I fed little D and then both he and #1 sat in my lap and cuddled me until breakfast was ready.  Yes, my wonderful husband makes me breakfast most mornings.   So even with all the fussy going on today, I got to start with cuddles.  Not to mention the fact that both kids, even on ‘rough days’ give out plenty of hugs, kisses, and TONS of smiles and giggles.

#1 also gets cuter by the day (who am I kidding, they both do.) That aside, it is so fun to see her developing something new every day.  Sentences are starting to form from her mouth, plus she keeps making supper in random toys and dishes around the house referring to it as “rack-a-roni”.  I know.  She’s cute.   You can’t have her.

All this to say, be thankful on the bad days that you know what a bad day is.  That means you have experienced the good ones!

Grateful

 

As I try to make sense of the passing of a dear friend’s husband…all I can think about is the blessings we have in today’s moment.  Nothing is gaurantee.  Nothing.  God gives and God takes.  It still doesn’t anwser the whys.  It still doesn’t make sense of anything.  Good people go too quickly and leave the rest of us wondering why.  I can’t even write a coherent thought right now.  All I can do is try and continue to process and be present to my friend when she needs me.

Husband and I watched “Courageous” last night and one quote really hits home right now.

“Are you going to be angry for the time you didn’t have with [him] or are you going to be grateful for the time you did have?”

As difficult as it may be, focusing on the good times will get us through the difficult times to come.

Grateful to remember:

Him changing into jeans at his own wedding reception.

His simple, calm, almost mischievous, constant grin.

His quiet, yet confident presence.

The way he looked at and loved Kristi.

The baby that will be born a beautiful legacy to his name.

There are many more memories to be grateful for.  And we are grateful.

Thank you, Lord, for blessing us all with the beautiful spirit in such a humble servant as Kendrick.  And just as I read posted elsewhere (I don’t remember where but it is perfect), “He is dancing in Heaven which suits him.  Along with a horse and a John Deere.” 

 

Intentional Parenting

Michelle Duggar = my new hero.  

I’ve always had a great respect for her.  I mean, the woman is obviously pro-life.  Pro-life in the sense that she doesn’t use contraception and remains open to any life God wishes to give her.  Even if this means ridicule from the rest of the world.  My interest and respect deepened for Mrs. Duggar when she recently had a miscarriage and had a beautiful funeral for her baby girl.  What a wonderful testament to the value of a human life.  

So, I bought the Duggars’ first book: 20 and Counting and I have read over half of it in a very short amount of time.  Oh my goodness, it is very inspiring.  It has answered my prayer to be a better mother.  The stories they tell and the example they have set make me really want to grow and grow.  

I’ve been reflecting on this a lot lately, even before I started reading this book…I just want to be a good mother….scratch that…I want to be a GREAT mother.  I want my children to grow up and love the Lord with all their hearts.  I want them to be well-disciplined, obedient, kind, generous, good people.  So how do I do that in the midst of our every day?  How do I grow our kids to be the absolute best version of what God created them to be?

Through the help of this book and much personal reflection, I can tell you…INTENTIONAL PARENTING!  Everything we do needs to be intentional, every moment a teaching moment.  Easier said then done, sure, but as I’ve become aware of the goals I want for my children, my parenting and discipline becomes a little easier with a goal in mind.  

For example, I know I want #1 to do what we say when we say it, but why is it so important?  Because obedience is very important to living a Christ-like existence (especially if #2 is intended to be a priest  ).   Our spiritual well-being is centered around how well we obey what God is calling us to do in even the little moments of our lives….and how can we learn to obey our God if we can’t even learn to obey our parents?  

So, to all the people who find us crazy for considering homeschooling, for considering ridding of the TV (still an inner struggle…probably will be until I finally do get rid of the thing), for disciplining when most wouldn’t, and for anything else that seems ludicrous to you…I say this:

Hopefully you will be thanking me in 20 years when my kids are deeply rooted in Christ and hold respect for those around them.

Thank you, Michelle Duggar, for helping me put into words what I’ve been struggling with for so many weeks now.  

Check out their book!!!!

Unemployed?

When I registered to have my new little bundle of joy at the hospital and the woman read from the screen:  ”and you’re unemployed, correct?”  I really wanted to scream at her and the thought even crossed my mind to pull her hair a bit.

Let me explain why.

On an average day here’s what the numbers look like for me:

4 poopy diapers

5 wet diapers

2 meals + clean up for 3 meals

3 loads of laundry

2 loads of dishes

1 art project

1 room deep cleaned

4 naps

2 fussy kids

12 feedings

4-5 hours of VERY interrupted sleep

2 baths

5 bazillion toys picked up repeatedly (this number may be exaggerated, but that’s how it feels some days)

100 + hugs and kisses

200 smiles and giggles

Please, tell me how on earth I’m considered unemployed!  I have the best kind of employment on the face of the earth!  Not to mention that most people work from 8-5 or 9-5.  I work around the clock.  Literally.   And for the moms that leave the house to go to a second job, I don’t know how you do it.

Next time you talk to a mom who works at home, please don’t ask her if she still works.  In my case, my work just started.

Technology…what would we do without it?

Husband and I are cell phone free and we love it.  LOVE it.  Seriously, we don’t even miss it…in fact, I kind of pity everyone else.  You’re missing out on life.

I’ve been reflecting on technology and the roll it plays in our lives lately.  Our society has been so consumed by it that we forget what real life looks like.  I read an article yesterday (http://news.yahoo.com/driver-sent-got-11-texts-11-min-crash-151619850.html) about texting and driving.  Lives were lost because someone couldn’t wait until they reached their destination to answer a text message.  I also found it slightly sad that a famous actor thought it was unfair that he should shut off his game for the safety of others…and even more ridiculous that people are petitioning airlines to change the rules so that they won’t have to turn off electronics for the 10 minutes it takes to take off and land in an airplane.  Have we disconnected ourselves so much from the real world that we are afraid to sit quietly with ourselves for those 10 minutes?

I fear for the younger generation.  I fear that they won’t know how to build solid relationships outside of the internet or text messages.  I fear that they won’t be able to put their thoughts and emotions into coherent sentences.  I fear that they will never know how to type with correct punctuation or grammar.

And for everyone else to reflect, here are some things I’ve learned and realized from the last few months of being cell phone free:

1. It took a few days, but I have really enjoyed car rides and the silence they bring. I used to be on the phone in the car all the time.  Now I pray, figure out my day and sing with my daughter…can’t get much better than that.

2. I don’t obsess over checking it ALL THE TIME.  It’s so freeing to not be checking for text messages or missed calls all the time.  I am more focused on my kids and what’s important in that moment.

3.  People can’t get a hold of me at any given time.  This may not seem like a good thing to some people, but I feel like we as a society have lost the value of soaking in a moment.  If I am with my husband on a date, having dinner with good friends or talking with someone at the store, then I don’t need to be distracted by a phone call…I need to focus on giving my total attention to the people I am with.  It’s respectful that way.  We have an answering machine at the house…leave a message.

4. Financially it makes sense.  Instead of spending over $100 a month on phones, we spend $100 a year for our prepaid emergency cell phone (we do have one for traveling, etc.)  This has allowed us to up our food and entertainment budgets and has allowed our almost 2 year old to attend Moms-Day-Out (for my sanity and hers.)

5.  We make actual phone calls. Instead of texting to make plans or check on people, we actually pick up the phone and dial..and have a real conversation.  I love it.  I get to hear my friends’ and family’s voices rather than see and impersonal text. Truthfully, this was a challenge to me at first because I had gotten so used to texting, but I love it now.  It builds relationships in unexpected ways.

6. I watch life happen.  Instead of being head-down texting or talking all the time, I pay way more attention to what’s going on around me.  I like it like that.

Sometimes it’s a good thing to step away from the electronics for a while….now if I could only break myself of this internet habit….

Blog?

I don’t even know what a blog is anymore…but it’s time to start again. I need to start writing again, so I figure if I just start writing something it will be a good thing.

Not sure what to write about just yet, but if I start thinking about blogging and writing it will happen more. Things on my brain: newborns, brownies, Pampered Chef, World Series, writing, reading, my handsome husband, dinner parties, tea parties…

Maybe I should write a blog for each one of these…maybe I should write a blog about NFP…or the beauty of life and love…and here goes another round…

Lenten Journey 2011

I have been away from writing for quite some time. I do miss it, but I have been in this first trimester fog of extreme exhaustion mixed with chasing my almost-one-year-old around. But, the Church in Her infinite wisdom, gives us this time of repentance and growing in faith. So, here I am, letting go of the TV once more and in place of that I am to blog every night. Or almost every night…weekends don’t count, especially this weekend due to a retreat!

So, hopefully I will shed insight into my Lenten Journey and share how I am growing, and quite possibly how I am resisting the growth…sometimes it can be scary how the Lord wants us to grow.

Right now I have been reading “The Immaculate Heart of Mary: True Devotion” by Father Robert J. Fox. This came about because our Confirmation retreat is themed and devoted to the Immaculate Heart of our Mother.

In this book, Fox talks about how incredibly pure Mary’s heart is. He also talks about how we should place our own hearts between that of Jesus and Mary. How beautiful is that place! It seems so safe, so Holy, so incredibly hard to obtain. But, the Grace of God has already started working on my soul and I feel as though if I let God do His work, my heart just may be able to reside in the safety of our Mother’s and our Savior’s.