Eternity

I have a love/hate relationship with being a mother.  It is the best, most wonderful gift God has ever given me.  The fact that it is so wonderful, however, means that there are many difficult things that come with the package.  Nothing wonderful ever comes easy.  One of the hardest parts of it all is to keep focused on the end goal.  What is the end goal?

For my children to love and serve the Lord with all their hearts so that we can all be united for eternity.

This is why parenting is so difficult.  The goal is forgotten quite frequently a midst the daily grind of temper tantrums, runny noses, nap-time battles, and poop.  Lots of poop.  That, and the goal is difficult to fulfill ourselves…there are days that, let’s face it, I don’t even want to be a servant.  I’m too selfish to want to be a servant all the time.

So, God gives us children to help us re-focus ourselves on the ultimate goal, to help us remember what really is important in life, and to sanctify us.  Because, really, even with all this in mind it doesn’t make it any easier, so we must lift up the parts that are really hard and pray they draw us ever closer to the heart of our Savior.

With much prayer and reflection, maybe one day we will attain sainthood along with our children and bring others along with us.  Maybe one day the goal won’t be a back-burner after thought, but a second nature habit we will live by.

Mother Mary, pray for us that we can know your Son’s heart the way you do so we can spread His joy and love throughout the earth.  Pray that we become holy mothers as you are so that we too can be united with our children for eternity.

Life Happens

It has been one heck of a two weeks here at the McNutt house. I’ve just come to expect the unexpected this month. That’s all I can do. Several events have left both Wade and I in a deep funk, trying to reclaim our life goals and dreams, trying to make our way back to the lighted path in life, really just trying to be normal human beings again.

I’ll give you a brief overview,  just so that I’m not talking in code.  Wade plays music at our church 3 Masses a weekend, every other weekend.  So, Halloween weekend was an off weekend…FAMILY DAY!  We loaded up the kid and the dog and went to the pumpkin patch.  We took some cute pictures and picked some small pumpkins, met some nice people.  But most of all, we had a really nice family day.  Until we left.  As we were leaving, not even a block up the road from the farm, we were hit.  Out of nowhere.  Thank God, the three of us were okay.  Just sore for a few days.  And, really, it didn’t phase Evalyn at all.  But, Godiva jumped out of the truck and has been missing ever since.  Giant bummer. (Don’t worry, we have been on the search and several amazing people that live that way are keeping an eye out and searching, and she has been spotted a few times, giving us hope that she is still alive.)

So, recovering from the wreck is still happening.  Wade and I are both jumpy in the car.   But, because of Godiva, I have been back to the wreck site a few times and there is healing in that.  Many hours have been spent searching for a deaf white dog in cottons fields.  Yes, I know, sounds really ridiculous, it is.

And then Wade got violently ill last Friday.  And it took several days for him to recoup.  (Thank God for a fantastic mother-in-law that helped watch Evalyn so I could dog-hunt while Wade slept!)

I’m only telling you all of this so that as I reflect on where we are right now you won’t be totally in the dark.  But with all of these events (plus some that I don’t even want to get into) we are having a really difficult time re-focusing on life and jobs and ministry and dreams.

It makes me wonder what lessons we are supposed to be learning.  Here are a few that come off the top of my head.
1.  Don’t be attached to things.

Currently we have one less vehicle, a missing dog, and Ev’s Milton was chewed by a dog…(don’t worry we are getting a new one soon!)  Three things that are/were important in our lives and yet we are still surviving (even if it is more miserable some days.)
2. You can only plan so much, and then life happens and you just have to go with what it gives you.

I really like this one.  I think I like it because after about the third thing happening in a row I realized that I can do my job, and take care of my family, but the scheduling is not always mine.  Or really, ever mine…
3. No matter what, don’t lose sight of your dreams!

This morning Wade told me, “I think I’m in a funk because I’m not sure what my dreams are any more.”  I honestly think that being in a car accident and getting sick for three days has more to do with it, but he makes a good point.  When we lose sight of what our dreams are, we forget what we are working towards each day and then the work becomes pointless or mundane.   Working towards a dream makes even the crappy jobs worth it!

So, I am writing today to start working towards dreams again, to work my way out of the foggy daze and to let my soul heal itself through words.

For all of you waiting to hear pieces of my novel…it hasn’t happened yet.  A bummer, I know, but in light of recent events my time and energy has been going to other places.  Even if I don’t get to write with the NaNoWriMo crowd, I plan on setting a goal for myself when the clouds settle down around the Nutt House.  Stay tuned!

The Heart of Mary

I have found something new to put my time and attention towards.  (You know those few spare moments I can find here and there.)  So, because I am absolutely and completely insane, I have joined a huge group of absolutely and completely insane people over at NaNoWriMo.  We will all be attempting to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days time from November 1 to November 30.  INSANE!!!  But, I am actually really really really really excited about it and I keep having to stop myself from writing (the rules state that you can’t begin until the 1st).

What is it going to be about, you ask?  Well, here goes…

I’ve always enjoyed writing thoughts down, sharing them here and there with others, and really letting my brain go into a philosophical dive from time to time.  But, every time I’ve tried to write fiction, I just can’t seem to let the characters take over to tell the story.  Lately Wade and I have been really trying to actively grow in our faith, meditating on talks and reading the Catechism and Scripture.  Through all this, an idea emerged that has completely taken over my heart and soul.  It really started when I was pregnant with Ev.

The one question I have continually asked myself has been, “I wonder if Mary went through this with Jesus.”  With everything involving motherhood I have thought this, did Mary have morning sickness?  did Mary have heartburn?  was Jesus born with hair if she did?  did Mary just want to sit in a hot bath all day to take the soreness from her back?  how did Mary sooth Jesus when he was teething?  did she have trouble nursing him at all?

I bet I think these thoughts several times a day.  And then it always leads me to reflect on Jesus’ life in a different way.  Seriously, Jesus came to us as an infant.  He had to learn to walk and talk like we did.  And eat pureed fruit for the first year of His life.

One of the speakers Wade and I enjoy a lot (Matthew Kelly) spoke about Mary and motherhood in general.  He said, “Nobody sees a child’s life like his mother.  Even his father.”  He goes on to talk about how we should all want to enter into the Heart of Mary to reflect on Jesus’ life.  Which leads me to my attempt at a novel.

I want to truly enter into the heart of Mary to reflect on Jesus’ life.  And I want to share it with whoever will join me.  Most people who participate in NaNoWriMo spend October researching and outlining their stories.  So, I have been spending my month trying to enter into Mary’s heart and soul, reading all I can and thinking about Jesus’ life from her eyes.  I hope you are as excited as I am for November to roll around to see where this meditation takes us.  But for now, I will leave you with a reflection I had the other day.  Keep in mind that it is a very rough draft and by no means a completed work.  However, I hope that it leaves you wanting more!!!

Wedding at Cana

“I know that my son’s time is drawing near.  My heart and soul can feel the times changing.  I’m not ready to give my Son to the world, but as God wills it, so it will be.  The wedding feast is next week and I am very excited for the celebration, but I am sad in seeing Jesus start His ministry.  I’m sad to see it start because I don’t want it to end.  He doesn’t quite realize that His time is drawing near, but He  soon will.  After all, He is the Son of God….”

I can’t wait to really explore these thoughts, and I hope you are ready for this journey come November!!!  I will post tidbits as I write them!!!!

Sunday Drive

Today is Sunday.  A day of relaxation, for the most part. We like to attend Mass on Saturday evenings to give ourselves a day to sleep in.  And it. is. glorious.  Late breakfast of burritos and homemade hot sauce (salsa for those of you from not around here..) and freshly ground coffee all while listening to the coos of our sweet baby girl.

Husband is still spinning with excitement from his first CD being out and he got his first internet sale last night!  Our house has been invaded with piano meditation paraphernalia and thoughts on marketing and really, the house has exploded with excitement of dreams being fulfilled and future dreams are being conceived.  It’s inspiring to see someone’s dream cone to fruition and actually see so much positive response from others.

So, I have decided that I should do the same.  Maybe that’s why I’ve been back into the blogging world.  To start unleashing the artist within.  To let myself create.  To color world with vibrant thoughts and big  dreams.

I’ve been reading other blogs and sites and trying to connect with other bloggers around the globe, and one thing that really gets the passion to flow is knowing that there are other people with the same types of dreams.  Many of those dreams become reality, and all because we take the time to connect and support and throw our dreams into a big pot so that somehow they become a melded giant ball of dreams and goodness.  And with the combined dream, we can all partake, have a piece of the confetti cake with rainbow chip icing.  Man, is it delicious and soul-healing.

So, for today, feed your inner-self:  Take a Sunday Drive.
Not necessarily an actual drive, but take 10 minutes to relax.  Spend time enjoying the family.  Eat something amazingly delicious.  Take a walk.  Do something that feeds your soul.

And, check out pianomeditation.com.  Share a piece of the dream.