Discernment…what a Beast!

Lately I have been discerning God’s Will for my and the life of my family.  It seems like it would be such and easy thing to figure out where God wants me, but it is not.  It seems as if we are at a pitch fork and we need to know where to throw the hay….that’s not how that saying goes is it?  Close though.  I feel like there are so many dreams to work towards, so many goals to accomplish and I don’t know where to start!  That is how I always wind up here, in my blogs.  It gets my creativity going and gets me excited to create or write or connect to other souls in some way.  Crazy as it seems, throwing random, nonsensical words into cyber-space actually gets the blood dancing through my brain again.

Maybe this blog will bring the answer I’ve been praying for!

Feed the Dream

Lately Wade and I have found that we are so much happier when we feed our passions.  It sounds so simple, and yet it is one of the toughest things to do.  I find myself finding other, less soul-feeding things to do like Facebook, or movies, or shopping online for things I don’t have money to buy.

I don’t understand why I choose to do those thing over my passions and dreams.   Our dreams are what make life much more exciting and fun.  It gives us a purpose, it allows us to be ourselves.

I was talking to a good friend yesterday who has a really fun dream to start a fun little store.  Then she said, “but, it’s just a dream.”  Why do we underestimate the power of what our dreams can do for us?  It may be just a dream, but that dream can become reality if we start focusing on that and work towards it.  Anything we do we have to trade out for something else.  For instance, if I want to watch a movie, I am doing that instead of going for a walk or reading a book.  If we aren’t focusing on our dreams, we are focusing on something else, something that isn’t going to feed our souls as much.

Dreams have power.  Our passions have power.  We should feed that power.

Our dreams right now (just to name a couple):

Pay off our mortgage in 5 years (yes it is MORE than possible, and then we will be 100% debt-free!)

Go to Ireland-our big trip once we our debt free!

Wade wants to record a full album-total band and all of his own songs

I would like to stay home and raise babies, bringing in money from writing or something creative

We have more, we both have what we call our “Dream Books”….we got the idea from Matthew Kelly.  As a team, Team Nutts, we try and help each other focus on our passions….work on our dreams.  For instance, we have a new goal we’ve set for the house.  No TV except on weekends.  It is wonderful.  Instead of mindlessly watching fake lives, I actually do things like make wine charms or read a good book.

So, today’s my day off and I’m going to ask you the same question my husband asked me at lunch:

Have you fed your passions today?

 

Keep the Change

Life is all about the ebb and flow of people and events in and out of our lives.  Growth and change are so necessary and essential to living, and yet they are the two things that humans collectively seem to run from the fastest.

I saw this post on Facebook today: http://www.engadget.com/2010/11/18/sand-glass-traffic-light-concept-its-about-time/.  Honestly, it would not have mattered to me either way, left no impression, except for the fact that so many people had left comments, mostly in opposition.  Why does it matter if we have a new stoplight system or not?  I don’t think it really does, but innately, the thought the change causes us to tense up inside.

I’m not going to lie, I was looking at it and initially my head was screaming, “NOOOOO!!!! This is stupid!  We can’t change the system!  What’s wrong with what we have? Then everything will be different!”  When really, I couldn’t care less what the stoplights look like as long as people follow them and I don’t get “T”-boned.

Change is hard.  It causes us to grow, to exit the comfort of familiarity that we love so much.  We become stretched to our limit, sometimes outside of it.  However, if we allow it, change can make us stronger.  Change can help us become the best version of ourselves.  It can lead us towards holiness.

This reminds me of a story I once heard about a butterfly.  It was working its way out of its cocoon.  This process is a grueling one, and takes many hours of struggling and work to emerge as a beautiful butterfly, with brightly blossomed wings.  A man was walking by and saw the butterfly entangled in the cocoon and decided to help the butterfly along.  So he peeled away the cocoon and the butterfly was freed.  Only, the butterfly’s wings were not fully developed and it was not able to fly away.  The struggle of emerging from the cocoon helps to build a butterfly’s wings and the butterfly is able to become what it was created to be.

Change can be painful.  Change can be grueling.  But in the end, if we have allowed ourselves to grow and develop within it, we emerge on the other side a fully blossomed creation.

Life Happens

It has been one heck of a two weeks here at the McNutt house. I’ve just come to expect the unexpected this month. That’s all I can do. Several events have left both Wade and I in a deep funk, trying to reclaim our life goals and dreams, trying to make our way back to the lighted path in life, really just trying to be normal human beings again.

I’ll give you a brief overview,  just so that I’m not talking in code.  Wade plays music at our church 3 Masses a weekend, every other weekend.  So, Halloween weekend was an off weekend…FAMILY DAY!  We loaded up the kid and the dog and went to the pumpkin patch.  We took some cute pictures and picked some small pumpkins, met some nice people.  But most of all, we had a really nice family day.  Until we left.  As we were leaving, not even a block up the road from the farm, we were hit.  Out of nowhere.  Thank God, the three of us were okay.  Just sore for a few days.  And, really, it didn’t phase Evalyn at all.  But, Godiva jumped out of the truck and has been missing ever since.  Giant bummer. (Don’t worry, we have been on the search and several amazing people that live that way are keeping an eye out and searching, and she has been spotted a few times, giving us hope that she is still alive.)

So, recovering from the wreck is still happening.  Wade and I are both jumpy in the car.   But, because of Godiva, I have been back to the wreck site a few times and there is healing in that.  Many hours have been spent searching for a deaf white dog in cottons fields.  Yes, I know, sounds really ridiculous, it is.

And then Wade got violently ill last Friday.  And it took several days for him to recoup.  (Thank God for a fantastic mother-in-law that helped watch Evalyn so I could dog-hunt while Wade slept!)

I’m only telling you all of this so that as I reflect on where we are right now you won’t be totally in the dark.  But with all of these events (plus some that I don’t even want to get into) we are having a really difficult time re-focusing on life and jobs and ministry and dreams.

It makes me wonder what lessons we are supposed to be learning.  Here are a few that come off the top of my head.
1.  Don’t be attached to things.

Currently we have one less vehicle, a missing dog, and Ev’s Milton was chewed by a dog…(don’t worry we are getting a new one soon!)  Three things that are/were important in our lives and yet we are still surviving (even if it is more miserable some days.)
2. You can only plan so much, and then life happens and you just have to go with what it gives you.

I really like this one.  I think I like it because after about the third thing happening in a row I realized that I can do my job, and take care of my family, but the scheduling is not always mine.  Or really, ever mine…
3. No matter what, don’t lose sight of your dreams!

This morning Wade told me, “I think I’m in a funk because I’m not sure what my dreams are any more.”  I honestly think that being in a car accident and getting sick for three days has more to do with it, but he makes a good point.  When we lose sight of what our dreams are, we forget what we are working towards each day and then the work becomes pointless or mundane.   Working towards a dream makes even the crappy jobs worth it!

So, I am writing today to start working towards dreams again, to work my way out of the foggy daze and to let my soul heal itself through words.

For all of you waiting to hear pieces of my novel…it hasn’t happened yet.  A bummer, I know, but in light of recent events my time and energy has been going to other places.  Even if I don’t get to write with the NaNoWriMo crowd, I plan on setting a goal for myself when the clouds settle down around the Nutt House.  Stay tuned!

The Heart of Mary

I have found something new to put my time and attention towards.  (You know those few spare moments I can find here and there.)  So, because I am absolutely and completely insane, I have joined a huge group of absolutely and completely insane people over at NaNoWriMo.  We will all be attempting to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days time from November 1 to November 30.  INSANE!!!  But, I am actually really really really really excited about it and I keep having to stop myself from writing (the rules state that you can’t begin until the 1st).

What is it going to be about, you ask?  Well, here goes…

I’ve always enjoyed writing thoughts down, sharing them here and there with others, and really letting my brain go into a philosophical dive from time to time.  But, every time I’ve tried to write fiction, I just can’t seem to let the characters take over to tell the story.  Lately Wade and I have been really trying to actively grow in our faith, meditating on talks and reading the Catechism and Scripture.  Through all this, an idea emerged that has completely taken over my heart and soul.  It really started when I was pregnant with Ev.

The one question I have continually asked myself has been, “I wonder if Mary went through this with Jesus.”  With everything involving motherhood I have thought this, did Mary have morning sickness?  did Mary have heartburn?  was Jesus born with hair if she did?  did Mary just want to sit in a hot bath all day to take the soreness from her back?  how did Mary sooth Jesus when he was teething?  did she have trouble nursing him at all?

I bet I think these thoughts several times a day.  And then it always leads me to reflect on Jesus’ life in a different way.  Seriously, Jesus came to us as an infant.  He had to learn to walk and talk like we did.  And eat pureed fruit for the first year of His life.

One of the speakers Wade and I enjoy a lot (Matthew Kelly) spoke about Mary and motherhood in general.  He said, “Nobody sees a child’s life like his mother.  Even his father.”  He goes on to talk about how we should all want to enter into the Heart of Mary to reflect on Jesus’ life.  Which leads me to my attempt at a novel.

I want to truly enter into the heart of Mary to reflect on Jesus’ life.  And I want to share it with whoever will join me.  Most people who participate in NaNoWriMo spend October researching and outlining their stories.  So, I have been spending my month trying to enter into Mary’s heart and soul, reading all I can and thinking about Jesus’ life from her eyes.  I hope you are as excited as I am for November to roll around to see where this meditation takes us.  But for now, I will leave you with a reflection I had the other day.  Keep in mind that it is a very rough draft and by no means a completed work.  However, I hope that it leaves you wanting more!!!

Wedding at Cana

“I know that my son’s time is drawing near.  My heart and soul can feel the times changing.  I’m not ready to give my Son to the world, but as God wills it, so it will be.  The wedding feast is next week and I am very excited for the celebration, but I am sad in seeing Jesus start His ministry.  I’m sad to see it start because I don’t want it to end.  He doesn’t quite realize that His time is drawing near, but He  soon will.  After all, He is the Son of God….”

I can’t wait to really explore these thoughts, and I hope you are ready for this journey come November!!!  I will post tidbits as I write them!!!!

Bringing up a Creative Genius

The wonderful people at Cotton Babies have posted a wonderful question for reflection, sharing, and most importantly, winning the awesome new series of cloth diapers.  BumGenius has been covering Ev’s bottom since she was born and they have been the most amazing money and environment savers ever!  So, I am posting for several reasons, one: I finally got my blog up and running again, overcoming stupid technical problems. Two: have you seen the Tiny Socialite Diapers? Worth the post!  And third:  I love the question.  Here it is:

How do you encourage a creative, artistic spirit in your child?

Besides the fact that Evalyn is known to be found right next to her daddy on the piano bench, pounding the keys, at six months her spit bubbles have started to form shapes and the peas she has been eating have become wonderful murals on the high chair tray.  Unfortunately, I have to wash them off.  She has also become a very imaginative storyteller.  Anytime she starts to tell us a story, we are more than willing to listen!

Her daddy and I were discussing how blessed we are that our parents fostered any hint of talent and passion we had as children.  Wade is an amazing musician, and much credit goes to his parents for seeing it shine from his soul and helping his talent grow as he did.  My parents always saw my love of writing, even when I didn’t.  They would buy me books to write in and encourage me when I would get discouraged.  I believe that every single one of our siblings can say the same thing.  We were all encouraged to be who we were made to be and help share our gifts and passions with the world.

We have realized this and wish to make in an active part in our parenting.  Already Evalyn shows a great interest in music by singing when her dad does, actually she sings when anyone starts singing.  If that is her passion, if it’s written on her soul, then that is what we will help her nourish.  If she winds up wanting to design houses we will help her through architect school; if she wants to paint murals we will buy her paintbrushes; if she wants to capture the world on film we will buy her a camera.

We want to help our children’s souls soar, we don’t want to rip the life out of them.

In light of this, I wrote Ev a poem.

Dear Evalyn,

You shall soar with wings like an eagle’s

And swim the oceans like a dolphin.

Climb the trees of jungles like a chimp

And weave a web like a spider.

What you were made to be

Let that come forth

With nurturing and love

And a sprinkle of time

Your soul will shine

In music

In art

In dance

In words

In song

Let me not stand in the way,

Let me help you foster the gifts

Show the world your beauty.

Give life through your own.

Love,

Mom

Try New Things…it’s Fun!

Husband and I, well, we’re a little on the crazy side.  We proudly refer to ourselves as hippies… we love the green, and we’re kind of on the free-thinking side of life.  Not when it comes to morality and our faith, but when it comes to going against the flow…. trying not to do things just because ‘everyone else is doing it.’  


Our hippie-ness has led to a very bright home.  Color-wise.  Our kitchen is purple with old 70′s orange counter top, a golden dining room and a green, light seafoam-ish living room….  I know is sounds absurd, but really, it’s fun and elegant in its own way.  The bright is accented with black and white randomly placed here and there.  I’m not one for the neutral colors….  I like them, they look beautiful in other people’s homes, but I think it would stifle the creative genius in my brain that is fighting to release itself….


I’ve been on a kick to get new things put up and finished, the little things like pictures on the blank walls, knick-knacks on the shelves, etc.  So, we decided to paint our hallway because it was so boring and bland still.  Our house is in the shape of a square so the hallway opens up to both the dining room and living rooms, which are connected to each other.  So, I decided to paint the hallway blue…  and I don’t mean a light, calming blue, it is BLUE!  BLUE!!!!  A very bright, not matching, carnival fun house kind of blue…actually Husband says it looks like a ‘Saved by the Bell’ blue, it belongs in a high school girl’s room.  So, I tried painting some designs in black to see if we could save it…


Needless to say, we repainted it last night to orange.  And yes, I know orange doesn’t sound any tamer than the crazy bright blue, but in our house it actually goes with the color scheme instead of totally working against it.  And now, we love it instead of going, ‘I kind of like it, do you, I don’t know, maybe not…’  

All this to say, TRY NEW THINGS!!  It’s fun.  I would have always wondered what a blue hallway would have looked like had I not tried it.  A boss that my husband once had told him, 


“You always have the rest of your life to never try it again.”  


So, give it a try!  If it doesn’t work, there’s always orange paint.

GROW!

Be careful what you pray for.

Seriously.

Husband prayed last year for patience and endurance.  I know that I learned both of those through my pregnancy.  And I’m continually learning them through motherhood.

I tend to pray for growth.  He sure is growing me.  I feel stretched to the limit, for sure!  But, then as I think about it, life would be boring if we weren’t growing.  If we never had to rise up against new challenges, or take on new responsibilities.  That’s how God is growing me.  Responsibilities.  A youth group and a baby, He’s trusted me with both at the same time.  With His precious children.  He obviously thinks that I can handle it.  But it is taking some growth and stretching on my part to be able to handle all this the way He wants. 

So, the lesson I learned today, if I don’t turn to the One who has led me here, I’m going to wilt.  If I sit in His light, I will blossom and grow and the colors of my petals will be vivid and extraordinary.

Road Less Traveled

This week on Wishcasting Wednesday we are asked a seemingly simple question:


What do you wish to know?


There are so many things I wish to know.  I think the biggest one on my mind right now is how to take the high road.  How do I be the bigger person?  Because I truly wish to,  but avoidance isn’t going to do any good….  and I’m afraid if I encounter a certain person today then I will for sure not be able to take the road less traveled. So how do I handle a sticky situation with poise and grace?

I guess if we all could figure that out, the world would be a much more peaceful place to live.

ENERGY!

I knew I was tired when I was a pregnant woman, but I’m just now beginning to realize how tired I truly was.  I feel like a brand new being, up early, and not due to heart burn, actually accomplishing things around the house and getting really pumped for the things I have to get done today.

We are at the end of my second year as an official ‘youth minister’ and it has been quite a ride!  Challenging, but rewarding all the same.  I have watched these kids grow so much and fall so in love with the faith that I almost can’t handle it!  Last night was our last night for the high school and the things they told us they’ve learned….it makes me happy to know that we as a team were able to help them grow in the most important aspect of their lives….

I can’t wait for Wednesday to see what my middle school kids have to say!!!  Those are the kids that really surprise you!!

All this to say that even with having a baby in the middle of the year, or maybe especially because of that, the year went by WAY too fast!  I’ve fallen so in love with these kids and the volunteers that teach them.  I may think that God gives me too much responsibility, but I feel so incredibly blessed that He trusts me with such an important and life-giving job.

Just like I told the kids last night, it’s soul-feeding to do what we do.